i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
