the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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