Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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