Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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