Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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