So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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