you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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