would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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