Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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