I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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