I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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