i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
