Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
