Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
