tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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