last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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