Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
