Well douche your snatch and let's go!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
