just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
