he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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