i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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