are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
