The maid of honor just puked.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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