Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize