So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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