I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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