it's like iHOP with fire
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
