She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
