i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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