we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
