I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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