My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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