He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
