i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The air was thick with penises
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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