Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
