Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
