Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize