me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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