bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and she was petting her beer can
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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