Plan B is the new Plan A
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No subtext here. People are naked.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
