some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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