By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
