we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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