do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
