trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Farmville is her only friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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