Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just high enough for therapy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
