at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
