Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
