i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
