well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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