Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
