Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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