Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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