i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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