dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
