Who did Billy Mays play for?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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