i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
