4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All the doctor said was why
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize