3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
