I got chris browned last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
