you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
