I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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