I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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