he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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