She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
