You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
