Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
