she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
