I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
