Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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