not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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