Betty ford says i'm here all night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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