Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
