I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
