You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
did i just pee glitter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
