Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
