I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
