Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
